Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth

Have you heard we’ve gone a bit “post” queer?

I’m at the national RWA (Romance Writers of America) in Manhattan. It’s been absolutely amazing. I just got back from the Harlequin Ball and my feet ache from dancing but I had so much fun. It was terrific to see A.M. Arthur’s gorgeous cover for Finding Their Way up on the big screen with titles like The Billionaire’s Bargain. Tomorrow, at the awards ceremony, two books by gay romance authors are up for the “Oscar of romance writing,” something I didn’t think I’d see when I started selling gay romance eight years ago. (And I am going to go crazy happy to hear their names tomorrow.)

Today I was on a panel with some other fabulous writers (and a brilliant editor) talking about constructing authentic queer (LGBTQAI) characters. One of the points we raised was that things have changed regarding our (queer people’s) legal standing. It’s harder to fire us (in some states). We have marriage equality. Some people no longer struggle with their queer identity, so it’s important to be aware of that when constructing conflict for contemporary queer characters. Obviously for those characters who live in places or times where they risk their lives by being openly queer, things are different.
However, one conflict remains consistent. As my fellow panelist Radclyffe pointed out, something that cannot be achieved by laws protecting our equality is acceptance by our family and friends. Coming out to people still holds the risk of losing people close to you.

Sorry for burying the lead. If you’re still with me, let me show you the “ante” queer turn my life took when I got home for the party.

My wife is here with me. She’s touring New York mostly, but as I’ve made many friends among the romance-writing community, she’s become friends with those writers too. When I got home, she told me about running into one of my/our oldest “friends.”

This friend just signed her first contract with a publisher after years (16 of them) of trying. I was thrilled for her. Over the years, I’ve helped anyway I could with brainstorming and advice and support. It’s what we writers do for each other. Especially for friends.

This friend saw my wife in the lobby and exclaimed that it had been years since she’d seen my wife. We’ve missed the last two national conferences. My wife, recounting locations, mentioned that we were at Gay Rom Lit in Atlanta the same year RWA national was in Atlanta though not at the same time. Adopting a wise tone, our friend said, “Well, that’s smart. There’s really nothing for you here.”

Nope, nothing here for us queers. Not RITA award nominations for books with queer characters, not panels for current and aspiring writers of queer characters, and not all the readers and writers of queer romance I’ve talked to this week. Definitely not the fun I had with the rest of the authors at the party tonight. The one given by a publisher whose name is synonymous with romance novels.

So just an update for everyone who came to the panel, things might not be as “post” queer as we thought. When your queer characters feel like they’re living their lives equal to everyone else, someone will come along to remind them they’re not. And it will probably be someone with the ability to cut, just when they thought that wasn’t going to happen again. The panel had a word for this, microaggression, which is preferable to lots of aggression, but it tears a bit into a character’s psyche. And from a friend, it’s disappointing.

I will, of course, be like Daryl, but inside I wanted to go all Cookie. Especially as it bothered my wife.

The Most Powerful and Terrifying Weapon Listed on the Gay Agenda

From stop-homophobia.com If I shouldn’t have linked, let me know and I’ll remove it.

I love the TV show Empire. Not only is it the awesome family soap opera I’ve been hoping for in prime time, but right from the beginning, there was nothing coy about Jamal’s sexuality and it being shown on the screen. Over the past week, there’s been discussion about whether or not Jussie Smollett, who is awesome as Jamal, is publicly out or not. As of this morning, he’s out. 

Towelroad had an interesting article before then.

Coming out is an endless process, unless you are going to surround yourself with a limited number of people for the rest of your life. Every time we do it, we are doing something that is both powerful and (at least for me in some situations) a little scary. When I, who presents as very feminine, say my wife in a casual way to a server in a restaurant, a clerk at a store, a doctor, a nurse, a colleague, a friend, I open myself up to a real risk. There are people who want to be able to refuse to give me the same service as someone not gay, and even without open hostility, there are plenty of ways for people to exhibit their disgust at “my lifestyle choices.”

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